Let all do the Monfils dance

US Open

Men:

Safin was out-Safined by Robredo but Tsonga looked brilliant disarming and destroying Moya. Love to see him jump the net and high-five his opponent after losing the point. What a showman. Gublis looked like a winner but still lost.

Nadal just keeps winning, Querrey next who out-aced killer Karlovic. Monfils dispatched the surly Nalbandian and Cipolla refused to shake Wawrinka’s hand after their five-setter.

Fish showed up Blake for what he is, a show-pony pretender. He hit some brilliant shots but mostly he was just ordinary. Time to drop the flash and get in some hard work, oh and see a head doctor too.

Nadal’s Quarter

Bye bye: Karlovic, Blake, Nalbandian

Nadal still on track to win quarter

Ferrer’s Quarter

Bye bye: Simon, Melzer, Ferrer
Murray still on track to win quarter

Djokovic’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Robredo vs Tsonga

Fed’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Federer vs Stepanek, Davydenko vs Tursunov

Women:

Coin’s run ends, Petrova fails to make the grade again and Cornet was beaten by the resurgent Groenefeld. Wild card Bremond is through to the fourth round and Radwanska thrashed Cibulkova. Rybarikova’s nice run ends and will that be it for Davenport? Safina played woefully and still survived, she’ll have to be better against Groenefeld.

Five women can take the top spot: Jankovic, Dementieva, Serena, Safina and second-round loser Ivanovic. (It was six but the Kuz missed out when Ivanovic made it to the second round.) More here.

Ivanovic’s Quarter

Bye bye: Coin, Cornet, Petrova

Safina still on track to win quarter

Serena Williams’ Quarter

Bye bye: Cibulkova, Bondarenko

Radwanska still on track to win quarter

Kuznetsova’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Dementieva vs Li, Schnyder vs Srebotnik

Jankovic’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Jankovic vs Wozniacki, Bammer vs Bartoli

Wozniacki wins

US Open

Men:

Minar lost again but it’s easy time for the seeds, Djokovic, Fed, Davydenko and Tursunov all cruising. Andreev beat Chardy in a match with a lot of female fans. Gonzo looks good.

Djokovic’s Quarter

Bye bye: Ginepri

Djokovic still on track to win quarter

Fed’s Quarter

Bye bye: Hanescu, Chardy, Haas
Federer still on track to win quarter

Nadal’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Querrey vs Karlovic, Blake vs Fish

Ferrer’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Del Potro vs Simon, Melzer vs Murray

Women:

Kuznetsova was beaten by a determined Srebotnik and the draw opens a little more. The only former winners left now are both named Williams. Woznicaki took down Azarenka and will take on drama queen Jankovic who eased past Zheng. Elena the (almost) great cruised and Li Na did enough to gain the next sacrificial victim spot.

So with the Kuz out still five women can take the top spot: Jankovic, Dementieva, Serena, Safina and second-round loser Ivanovic. (It was six but the Kuz missed out when Ivanovic made it to the second round.) More here.

Kuznetsova’s Quarter

Bye bye: Kuznetsova

Dementieva still on track to win quarter

Jankovic’s Quarter

Bye bye: Azarenka, Zheng

Wozniacki still on track to win quarter

Ivanovic’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Coin vs Mauresmo, Groenefeld vs Cornet

Serena Williams’ Quarter

Matches to watch: Radwanska vs Cibulkova, Bondarenko vs V Williams

The Ashley Harkleroad trainwreck celebration continues with news she is pregnant by her coach. Um, I’m not sure that’s part of the job description.

Coin defeats Ivanovic!

US Open

Men:

Murray won in four and got dissed by former coach Gilbert and Roddick’s hired Mac the lesser.
Blake got a break against a retiring Darcis and Killer Karlovic smashed Serra.

Nadal’s Quarter
Bye bye: Mathieu
Nadal still on track to win quarter

Ferrer’s Quarter
Bye bye: Llodra, Acasuso
Murray still on track to win quarter

Djokovic’s Quarter
Matches to watch: Safin vs Robredo, Roddick vs Gulbis

Fed’s Quarter
Matches to watch: Tursunov vs Hanescu, Davydenko vs Calleri

Women:
The curse of the No 1 continues with Ana Ivanovic showing that she, like Jankovic and (briefly) Sharapova, aren’t worthy of taking Henin’s mantle.

So with Ivanovic out still five women can take the top spot: Jankovic, Dementieva, Serena, Safina and the second-round loser herself. (It was six but the Kuz missed out when Ivanovic made it to the second round.) More here.

Vaidisova lost to the Wild Card Bremond, Cibulkova showed Olaru who the promising up-and-comer is and Cornet put Mattek away. Good win for Garbin over Szavay who probably should have been practising instead of posing at the Empire State Building and the Safina juggernaut maintains pace. The Williams show continues and even Amelie Mauresmo may be shaking off cobwebs. Radwanska still looks ominous. Sugiyama beat Govortsova. Wozniacki vs Azarenka could decide one semi-final spot.

Ivanovic’s Quarter
Bye bye: Ivanovic, Moore, Mattek
Safina still on track to win quarter

Serena Williams’ Quarter
Bye bye: Vaidisova, Lisicki, Vesnina,
Radwanska still on track to win quarter

Kuznetsova’s Quarter
Matches to watch: Schnyder vs Rybarikova, Li vs Makarova

Jankovic’s Quarter
Matches to watch: Wozniacki vs Azarenka, Zheng vs Jankovic

Get ready for lots of “Coin cashes in” type headlines. But it’s good to see someone who never managed to qualify for a Major before take out the world No 1, even if it’s just a Pretender with a sore thumb like Ivanovic.

Davenport’s still got it!

US Open

Men:

Santoro looks a shadow of his former wizard. Roddick’s got his serve going nicely. Guccione won a match. Davydenko showed his cheery side in the post-match interview. Tipsarevic retired. Tursunov and Tsonga advanced.

Djokovic’s Quarter

Djokovic still on track to win quarter

Fed’s Quarter

Bye bye: Tipsarevic
Federer still on track to win quarter

Nadal’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Fish vs Mathieu, Nadal vs De Heart
Nadal still on track to win quarter

Ferrer’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Murray vs Llodra, Del Potro vs Bellucci

Murray still on track to win quarter

Women:

Zvonareva disintegrated against Perebiynis – 30 unforced errors. Azarenka, Davenport and Wozniacki all cruised. Does Jankovic need to have some drama every match? Go Rybarikova!

Kuznetsova’s Quarter

Bye bye: Errani, Paszek, Cirstea

Dementieva still on track to win quarter

Jankovic’s Quarter

Bye bye: Zvonareva, Kleybanova, Benesova

Wozniacki still on track to win quarter

Ivanovic’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Groenefeld vs Moore, Cornet vs Mattek

Serena Williams’ Quarter

Matches to watch: S Williams vs Vesnina, A Bondarenko vs Lisicki, Vaidisova vs Bremond


Li Na plays the wall and talks shopping :
Q. Fifth Avenue?
NA LI: Yeah. I was talk to my husband. I say, Okay, after the match we have to go there. He say, No. Save the money for me. I stay in the house. So after the match I will go there. I mean, I didn't care about him, so I go myself. Taking credit card. That's it.

Serena likes to pretend she can’t remember wining the US Open: “I don’t even remember holding up the trophy,” she said. “I didn’t even know I won this tournament.” As if.

“I don’t want fight. I don’t want to shout,” Marat Safin said. “I wish I could play normal matches and enjoy tennis sometimes.” Remember Marat, everything is excusable as long as you win.

Club Fed has discarded his cardigan for “a polo shirt with an emblazoned RF logo in red for day and a smoke-gray color at night.” Rafa still continues to dress like a pirate though.

Cool US Open qualies report from WTAWorld.

Vaidisova wins a match!

US Open

Men:

Safin took five sets to beat Spadea – can we start a petition to start calling him Dinara’s big brother? Kiefer retired against Minar, but Minar was beaten by Killer Karlovic. Is it just me or are there more Minars than usual in this tournament? Berdych and Gasquet confirmed that the hype may well be over. Or is Querrey the real deal?

Djokovic’s Quarter

Bye bye: Spadea, Kiefer

Djokovic still on track to win quarter

Fed’s Quarter

Bye bye: Gasquet

Federer still on track to win quarter

Nadal’s Quarter

Matches to watch: No idea as the schedule is all over the place

Ferrer’s Quarter

Matches to watch: No idea of the schedule is all over the place

Women:

Hantuchova falls (again), Latisha Chan (finally) advances. Vaidisova wins a match. Zahlavova’s brave run ends. Ivanovic took three to beat Dushevina, is she struggling or playing herself into form? Is Moore already the only Australian left in the tournament (assuming Stosur gets toned by Venus).

Kuznetsova’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Li vs Errani, Rybarikova vs Paszek, Kuznetsova vs Cirstea

Jankovic’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Davenport vs Kleybanova, Azarenka vs Benesova

Ivanovic’s Quarter

Bye bye: Hantuchova, Dushevina, Dellacqua, Sanchez, Vogele
Safina still on track to win quarter

Serena Williams’ Quarter

Bye bye: K Bondarenko, Zahlavova

Radwanska still on track to win quarter

Is Serena copying Moody Maria’s red dress from last year that no one liked? Maybe Nike does tell her what to wear.

Cibulkova and Monfils have broken up? Was it a height thing?

Forbes asks: Why is Tennis writing so bad? Read the article and you still won’t know.

Tennis player’s cars. Seriously, if you're going to buy a Porsche, get a 911, not a four wheel drive.

Who had Chakvetadze in the pool?

US Open

Men:

Was Nadal broken as he served for the match and forced to win via tiebreak? Are any of the folks previously over-hyping Donald Young going to take any responsibility for his current state? Can someone send a message to Team Vandeweghe with a Young before and after? Young fought well to take the excitable Blake to five sets though.

Djokovic’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Roddick vs Santoro, Safin vs Spadea, Djokovic vs Clement

Fed’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Gasquet vs Haas, Tipsarevic vs Warburg

Nadal’s Quarter

Bye bye: Rochus, Young
Nadal still on track to win quarter

Ferrer’s Quarter

Bye bye: Lopez, Monaco, Canas

Murray still on track to win quarter

Women:

Chaky needs a break from tennis. Is Paszek that good or is Kirilenko starting to fade? Good wins by Rybarikova and Cirstea although Safarova may be bidding to take Dementieva’s old mantle as alternatively hot or awful. Is Peer still an elite player?

Kuznetsova’s Quarter

Bye bye: Chakvetadze, Kirilenko, Pivovarova, Dulko, Safarova

Dementieva still on track to win quarter

Jankovic’s Quarter

Bye bye: Zakopalova, Vandeweghe, Rolle

Wozniacki still on track to win quarter

Ivanovic’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Ivanovic vs Dushevina, Dechy vs Mauresmo, Cornet vs Pin

Serena Williams’ Quarter

Matches to watch: S Williams vs K Bondarenko, Govortsova vs Zahlavova, V Williams vs Stosur

Elena the (almost) great won’t parlay her Olympic success into junk food endorsements like the Williams' sisters, "Since I was a little girl it never was a goal of mine to get endorsements," Dementieva said. "I was always dreaming about winning Olympic Games." Well now that you’ve fulfilled your dream you can either retire or focus on winning some tennis trophies.

The fun begins

US Open

Men:

The Djoker picks Jet Boy and Club Fed as the players to beat, Roddick’s trying to rebuild under the radar – or as under the radar at the overhyped top American can be. Time for Murray to show what he can do with a weak quarter.

Nadal’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Berdych vs Querrey, Blake vs Young
Nadal to win quarter

Ferrer’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Nishikori vs Monaco, Del Potro vs Canas

Murray to win quarter

Women:

Jon Wertheim picks Azarenka to do damage. Hmm, I think Wozniacki myself...

Kuznetsova’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Kirilenko vs Paszek, Schynder vs Pivovarova, Dulko vs Rybarikova

Dementieva to win quarter

Jankovic’s Quarter

Matches to watch: Azarenka vs Zakopalova, Jankovic vs Vandeweghe, Wozniacki vs Rolle

Wozniacki to win quarter

Matt Cronin’s insightful first round picks are worth reading.

Hope the tennis is better than Heidi Klum’s designs.

Wozniacki again

Woznicaki beat Chakvetadze for her second title. Good win in a break-fest as she held her nerve to defeat the increasingly erratic Chaky who stopped trying and just blasted the ball in the third set.

Zahlavova, Olaru, Shvedova, Pivovarova, Hsieh, Vogele, Kendrick and Hernych all qualified. Mirza’s out. Fish lost to Cilic.

US Open - The slacker’s guide to who might win

Men:

In a huge turnaround from previous years the favourite is a man who has never passed the quarter-finals previously, however if that man is called Nadal then allowances are made. It will be interesting to see whether Federer can respond like the champion he was is. Murray has a cushy draw – unless Del Potro is as good as he seems.

Nadal’s Quarter

Seeds: Berdych, Blake, Monfils, Nalbandian, Karlovic

Players to watch: Fish, Schuettler, Young, Ball

Winner: Nadal

Ferrer’s Quarter

Seeds: Del Potro, Murray, Simon, Youzhny

Players to watch: Isner, Canas, Melzer

Winner: Murray

Djokovic’s Quarter

Seeds: Roddick, Kiefer, Tsonga, Gonzalez

Players to watch: Safin, Clement, Moya

Winner: Djokovic

Fed’s Quarter

Seeds: Davydenko, Tursunov, Verdasco, Stepanek

Players to watch: Chardy, Haas, Tipsarevic

Winner: Federer

Final: Nadal vs Federer

Winner: Roger Federer

Women:

The Women’s draw is eerily quiet without Sharapova and Henin. We will see if Elena the (almost) great’s golden breakthrough is enough to take her to final glory or if Safina continues her rampage through the field. Time for Wozniacki to break through.

Ivanovic’s Quarter

Seeds: Safina, Petrova, Hantuchova, Pennetta, Cornet, Chakvetadze

Players to watch: Dellacqua, Moore, Kudryavtseva, Pin

Winner: Safina

Serena Williams’ Quarter

Seeds: Venus Williams, Vaidisova, Radwanska, Cibulkova, Alona Bondarenko

Players to watch: Bremond, Lisicki

Winner: Radwanska

Kuznetsova’s Quarter

Seeds: Dementieva, Peer, Chakvetadze, Schynder, Kirilenko

Players to watch: Rodionova, Rybarikova, Safarova, Erakovic

Winner: Dementieva

Jankovic’s Quarter

Seeds: Zvonareva, Davenport, Zvonareva, Wozniacki

Players to watch: Strycova, Perebiynis, Zakopalova, Benesova

Winner: Wozniacki

Final: Safina vs Dementieva

Winner: Elena Dementieva

De Villiers finally makes a popular decision

Safarova won, Fish won, Benesova won, Chakvetadze won, Cornet beat Hantuchova and Karatancheva crashed out of Open qualifying.

Good wins for the Woz against Bartoli and Cornet against Dani.

De Villiers finally accepted that the ATP is not a Mickey Mouse organisation and stepped down – he’s not likely to be missed. He annoyed all the doubles players by trying to get rid of them, then annoyed the tournaments by keeping the doubles. Now the singles players are sick of him resulting in the top three, Federer, Nadal and Djokovic taking seats in the Player Council to oppose him. His time was clearly up from that moment. Apparently he has modernised the game and made it more fan-friendly which sounds like nonsense. He taught those Germans a lesson though...

Nadal does his own laundry

Verdasco won, Wozniacki won, Mauresmo won, Chakvetadze won, Hanuchova won and Hewitt’s out of the US Open. Hewitt’s ranking will now plummet to the 70s.

Nadal is clueless about doing laundry according to British cyclist Jamie Staff. "I was in the laundry and I realised I was standing right next to [Rafael] Nadal. I didn't bother him but he was shoving all his colours and whites in together. I really wanted to say, 'Dude, you're going to have a nightmare with that. You can't just put the whole bag in - there are reds in with whites'. But what can you do?" Maybe he just likes pink.

Prankster Blake put a salami in Lindsay Davenport’s bed at the Olympics.

Former pros Borg and Schriver hit the gossip news pages. Schriver, who is in a battle with James Bond for possession of a top secret atomic device their children, at least doesn’t have toxic underpants like Borg.

US Open Qualies start

Benesova won, Mauresmo won, Kirilenko lost and del Potro’s finally taking a break.

Rafa and Ivanovic and the top seeds for the US Open. Davydenko is expected to live up to his seeding of fifth unless he flames out in the second round. Women’s fav Safina is seeded sixth. Defending champ Henin is out (as is 2006 champ Sharapova) and Men’s champ Fed is merely a shadow of his cardiganed self. Jet Boy seems a lock for the men’s title despite his fourth round exit last year and best result of a quarterfinal. Remember this was the guy who was favourite for the French a few years ago when he had never played it before, and duly won it.

The women’s field is wide open with Henin and Moody Maria out. All persons named Williams will be nominal favourites to some but they’ve been disappointments in recent years. The top of the heap Serbs are unlikely to stay the distance which leaves Elena the (almost) great, Safina and the Kuz.

Rafael Nadal

Woniacki won, Clement won, Isner won, Dellacqua won, Cibulkova withdrew again and Cornet beat Vaidisova.

Jet Boy finally fulfils his destiny and takes the No 1 spot, elegantly tossing aside the cardiganed one. It’s been a long wait but we’ve seen the wild Spanish youth slowly improve and transform himself into the (almost) perfect tennis player and do so at the expense of the man we thought was the most complete player – and the GOAT (greatest of all time).

Meanwhile the women changed No 1 too for the umpteenth week - get used to it, it doesn’t mean anything.

Nicole Vaidisova lost again - which is consistent at least – to the up-and-coming now arrived Alize Cornet. Difficult to see where Vaidisova is, has she fallen or is Cornet that good? Judging by recent results it’s probably both. The youngsters have arrived, Cornet and Wozniacki, although Cibulkova withdrew (again) from a “heat related illness”. Time to get fit girl: the US Open is about to begin. Maybe next year then.

Golden boy!

Nadal won, Dementieva won. A bunch of people won doubles medals, then acted like it was important.

Rafa outmuscled Gonzo. He was awesome. Does this man have any weaknesses? At the moment it seems he is playing perfect tennis. Once a upon a time this was the province of only one man but since Fed fell to earth, Rafa has taken not only his titles and ranking but also his air and grace. Poor Roger. Perhaps he does need a coach - is this a good time to send my resume?

Elena the (almost) great finally hit the big-time, dispatching the weary Safina in a choke-filled final. “It’s unbelievable. For me this is the best moment in my career,” she said. “I’ll never forget it.” Hopefully this can now help her overcome the nerves that always stopped her short of a major breakthrough. Now that she has won something big – and in her mind clearly Olympic gold equals a Major – perhaps she can translate this to success at a Major. The US Open awaits. Don’t tell Safina though, she’s still the hottest player around not named Nadal (or del Potro).

Who is this del Potro and why does he keep winning tournaments?

Russin for gold

Safina beat Li, Dementieva beat Zvonareva, Djokovic beat Blake for bronze to really rub it in that complainers don't prosper. Fed won gold but don't tell him it's only in doubles - he thinks it matters (ditto the Williams and Bryans).

Djokovic ripped off his shirt and threw it to the crowd, with two racquets, and waved a Serbian flag. “To win any medal in the Olympics is a huge achievement,” Djokovic said. That’s the Olympic spirit.

Not celebrating is Blake who took down Federer then flamed twice to go home empty-handed. Even the positives after the Fed win are cancelled out by the schoolboy protest against Gonzalez.

Safina backed up after her late finish the day before and looks ready for a triathlon. That is to say she looks a mess but can still handle everything thrown at her. This year’s Safina is a whole new model (and not before time). Will she beat Elena the (almost) great? Momentum says yes, but neither has ever shown it on the big stage and there’s a Russian hierarchy that seems to mentally play on the players.

Nadal should continue his breakthrough year and justify his new ranking at Gonzalez expense, although Gonzo has a taste for gold already…

Gonzo beats Blake (literally)

Safina won, Nadal won, Gonzalez beat Blake and Fed tossed out the Bryans.

Good to see James Blake showing a healthy does of Olympic Spirit as he ripped into Gonzo for cheating. Blake whacked a ball out but he claimed the ball touched Gonzalez’ racquet on the way and the TV replays appear to confirm it did. Gonzo wasn’t certain and kept his mouth shut which left Blake flapping uselessly to the umpire who wasn’t going to make any hard calls.

Blake said Gonzalez was a great player who does everything in his power to win and usually doesn’t cheat. “Whatever he wants to say is fine,” Blake said. “Whatever is going to get him to have some sleep tonight, then that’s fine.”

Blake was upset because earlier Gonzo pinged him from close range though it’s acceptable and indeed the only option to aim at your opponent when both are at the net. Blake copped it on the head and wasn’t happy even though the Chilean apologised.

Safina showed Jankovic who’s really No 1 at the moment, rankings aside, and will play Li of China. It’s an all-Russian choke-athon in the other Semi with the interest in whether Dementieva can actually hold it together to win or whether Zvonareva will tear up so much that she can’t recognize who her opponent is and thinks she’s playing one of her earlier cannon-fodder victims instead of the (almost) great Dementieva. It’s her only hope.

Wonderful to see McEnroe tossed from some geriatric event for verbal abuse and getting stuck into some fans. Good publicity for the event, I guess, although maybe Mac just yearns to let go again.

The continuing decline of Roger Federer

Federer lost, Serena lost, Venus lost and Nadal won.

Federer lost to Blake – is this evidence of Fed’s continued mental disintegration or simply the fact that he’s never done well at the Olympics? Either way it’s still a good win for Blake who usually finds a way to avoid victory on the big stage. Fed also lost it during the match, screaming and hitting away balls in frustration, displaying little of that Federer-like-calm that we normally see. He also questioned four calls and got them all wrong – but he’s never been good at that.

Serena was out-toughed by Dementieva and not before time. Don’t know what business Venus has losing to Li Na though, that’s just lazy, although it’s time for the Chinese to break through and her only decent results have been at home.

Apparently the Chinese fans clap at the wrong time which some players find irritating although Hewitt felt it provided a good atmosphere. Jankovic whined though, “Sometimes they get quite excited during the point, which is quite distracting for us, but it’s very difficult to explain to them in Chinese,” she said. Um, that’s probably because you don’t speak Chinese...

Cornet pushes Serena over edge

Nadal won, Dementieva won, Zheng lost, Li won, Serena beat Cornet and a typically injured Jankovic beat Cibulkova.

“I’ve been really working on my temper,” Serena said, displaying no signs of it as she destroyed her racquet while losing the first set to the skilful Cornet.

Hewitt gained some small revenge for his singles thrashing by knocking Nadal out of the doubles. Actually it’s probably doing him a favour unlike Fed who complained about his eleven matches in seven days schedule. Sobs.

Safina should account for the whiny Jankovic, can she go all the way?

Dellacqua does a Nadal

Federer won, Nadal beat Hewitt, Djokovic won, Wozniacki beat Dani, Serena and Venus won and Davydenko lost and Li Na beat Morita.

Little Casey Dellacqua was upset at having to strip courtside when officials wouldn’t let her leave the court to change her shirt without taking a bathroom break.

Angry whispers at the scheduling when uncompleted matches weren’t scheduled first up when the winners would be required to play again that day, especially when the winner of Morita vs Erakovic has to play a rested Chinese girl just hours later. Is it too early to accuse the Chinese of cheating?

Serena and Venus had their doubles match held up because they weren’t wearing matching clothing, seems they refused to change though.

Despondent Davydenko

Federer won, Cibulkova won, Hewitt won, Kiefer won and Serena slept through the Opening Ceremony.

Nikolay Davydenko admitted he is struggling for motivation after dispatching another victim. The inspiration to millions has concentration lapses and hasn’t been practising well. “I wanted to play at the Olympics,” he said, “but I’m not expecting a good result.” That’s it Davy, mess with their head. Is there a betting shop in Beijing?

Serena was too sleepy to go to the Opening Ceremony and she’s too big a star to stay in the Olympic Village (unlike Rafael Nadal). “I don't want people around me and all that other stuff,” she said. That’s the Olympic spirit. Fed’s also too big to stay in the Village.

Who’s spying on Serena?

Roddick lost, Cornet beat Vaidisova, Serena won, Nadal won, Davydenko won and Ivanovic went home.

Daniela Hantuchova finally beat her doubles partner Sugiyama and may have the extra inch she usually gets when playing for her country.

Roddick skipped the Olympics to play the dinky little tournament in LA and still couldn’t win that even with all the top players on Olympic duty. He went down in straight sets to del Potro. Three titles in a row for the Argentine clay-courter, except this was on hard-court, supposedly Roddick’s surface and what the upcoming US Open will be on.

Before she skipped off home apparently Ivanovic confided she won’t practise with Djokovic because of a childhood crush she had on him.

The Chinese spying on the Williams sisters?

Jelena Jankovic

Roddick won, Blake won, Wozniacki won, it’s raining in Beijing and Jankovic is sore and might go home.

“I’m not in the best shape in the moment,” said chronic hypochondriac Jankovic. “Hopefully I will somehow be healthy and ready to play my best tennis.” Yep, I’m guessing it will be when you play fewer tournaments...

Killer Karlovic is also out injured and Ljubicic pulled from singles with a peculiar ailment that somehow allows him to still play doubles, it’s called Davenport’s disease.

Mac calls time on Fed

Roddick won, Safin lost, Davenport’s injured and Pam Shriver is divorcing James Bond.

Some former Pro called McEnroe reckons Sampras’ tally of 14 Slams is safe from TMF meaning that Fed’s career is largely over and we can begin to hail the great Nadal (TMN?). It’s an obvious reply maybe but Mac, You cannot be serious!

Another nonentity was banned for not betting on his own matches or trying to affect the outcome of any match. Way to go guys – you’re really keeping the sport clean! Now can we go after the ones that were actually cheating?

Meanwhile Fed's wearing his impressive Gondolier's costume in the Olympic Opening Ceremony.

An auspicious date?

Safin won, Young lost, Moya lost and Roddick’s starting to feel an Olympic-sized loss.

How much on TMF to lose to Tursunov in the first round? How about Killer Karlovic in the third?

Beijing heat

Moya won, Donald Young beat someone and it’s too hot in Beijing. Rafa becomes No 1 on 18 August but until then he’ll be seeded two at the Olympics. Are he and Fed serious about gunning for gold or is it just an important psychological blow before the hard-court slam in New York?

Can anyone match Safina in the women? Just waiting for either Williams sister to pull out but at least they won’t play each other until the Semis if they stay. Of course also playing doubles makes some kind of pullout much more likely.

ATP defeats Germans!

A US court has ruled in favour of the ATP doing whatever they want with their tournaments. The ATP may now plan to move more of their tournaments because they can.

“The ATP is terrifically gratified with the decision,” said ATP attorney Bradley Ruskin, who obviously should not serve as a spokesman for anything regarding grammar.

Also Safin beat Isner, the USTA bought Cincinnati, Craybas was the only girl to beat a guy at the unisex tournament and here’s a wonderful commentary on Alexandra Stevenson’s latest controversy.

Road Map

In an important development for women’s tennis, the WTA has announced a Road Map for the future. Players will be peace ambassadors helping to secure Middle East peace by participating in vital negotiations between warring factions and nurturing a greater understanding of cultural links. Apparently they’ll be earning more money too. As long as they show up to Indian Wells…

Fed’s moved from Basel to Tax Haven Town in der Schweiz and all players are gearing up to be overshadowed by other athletes in Beijing. Except for some men still playing in LA. Time to get on that plane boys! Oh that’s right, not everyone gets to play in the Olympics, there’s still some Z grade tournaments around for the journeymen. Off you go, carry on, just pretend we’re watching.

Caroline Wozniacki

Murray outlasts the Djoker in Cincinnati. Who’d have picked the Scot as the winner with all the Fed-Rafa drama going on? If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs…

The Woz wins twice in Stockholm to take her first title, both thrashings. Cibulkova could learn a little from her as she went down in flames to Safina in Montreal. Has Safina clinched the (who cares) US Open Series title already? I’ll say it again, can we just forget about the Serbs and make Safina the new No 1. She’s easily the hottest player around right now.

Djokovic saves Fed

The Djoker upends JetBoy, whose mind may have been on other matters, and will play Murray in Cincinnati. Also celebrating is loser Jankovic who ascends to the pinnacle of women’s tennis despite her Majorless career.

Rain in Stockholm, Cibulkova vs Safina in Montreal. Domi copped some flack from her coach during the rain delays, “It wasn’t easy to talk to my coach because he was really mad,” she said.

Cibulkova saves WTA!

Just like last week when Safina beat Jankovic to ensure that the latter didn’t take the No 1 spot, now it’s Cibulkova’s turn to save the WTA and preserve any remaining credibility in women’s tennis since it stops the No 1 spot going to a player who hasn’t reached a Major final, let alone won one. How long can this go on?

Moody Maria’s out of the US Open as well as the Olympics and is currently standing in line at the shoulder shop to be fitted with a new one.

Radwanska won, Wozniacki won, Benesova lost, Safina won, Rafa won, Murray won and Haas and his actress girlfriend are playing the inaugural Shotgun 21 World Championships which is a fancy way of saying both sexes are playing a tournament with underhand serving and a guitar for first prize.

Maria and Roger out

Cibulkova beat Petrova, Benesova beat Mirza, Chaky lost, Blake lost, Murray won against Tursunov, Wozniacki thrashed Laine, Fed lost and Sharapova’s injured her shoulder again.

A devastated Davydenko lost to Moya in a held over game and hordes of shocked and weeping fans were given counselling courtside as their hero exited the tournament. It’s hard to see anything positive apart from Davydenko’s noble fortitude in the face of adversity.

Killer Karlovic served his way to tiebreak victory against Federer and TMF’s looking very human these days - Rafa the Asteroid will be now be No 1 if he wins the tournament.

Maria’s out so that leaves the two Serbs to fight it out for the top – who indeed will be the least worst? Jankovic won but Ivanovic struggled and went down to Paszek.