The world's worst tennis player

The world's worst tennis player lost his court case against a newspaper that called him "the world's worst tennis player". So it's now fine for anyone to refer to Robert Dee as the world's worst tennis player despite the fact he's actually won a few matches lately. The judge agreed with The Daily Telegraph in England that losing 54 consecutive matches in tournaments on the international professional circuit in 2008 (including not wining a set) justified the title. Previously Dee has actually made money from his notoriety by winning damages from the BBC and making everyone apologise to him. No doubt Ana Ivanovic is watching closely.

Meanwhile Alize Cornet is in the Semi-final at Fes. Amazing what finally winning a Fed Cup match can do for the confidence - and she looks happy.

Also making the grade in Fes are Benesova, Voracova and the soaring Simona Halep who took out a stumbling Schnyder.

Murray's a mess in Rome, the Woz is clearly injured in Stuttgart, Henin put the Wick back in her place and Safina's finally returned. Oh and Rafa and the Djoker are still burning it up in Rome.

Americans Ryan Sweeting and Christina McHale won French Opens spots. No word yet on the Aussie WCs.

Gulbis dumps Federer

Obligatory joke about Federer having feet of clay. Gulbis the conqueror in Rome. No one reporting what the rich Latvian actually said afterwards. Ok one.

Lady Ja Ja's mum gets stuck into Ivanovic for drinking coffee while her child played hurting for her country. Let's face it: Jankovic is a Fed Cup warrior and Ivanovic probably shouldn't even be considered for the team since she's playing like rubbish. Let's all hit her when she's down. How dare she drink coffee.

The Belgians got all banged up on national duty. This will be the perfect excuse for two of them to not play Fed Cup again until after the Olympics. It will be back up to you again Wick.

Somehow America squeezed past Russia and will take on the might of Italy in the contest that stops a nation. Presumedly they will do so minus the Williams Sisters again but that's ok. They need to get used to it.

Video: Johansson and Mladenovic turn on the glamour for the Cagnes-Sur-Mer 100K

The Australian Fed Cup team

The new look Australian Fed Cup team finally turned up in the Ukraine to whip the locals. No Dokic but new Aussie Anastasia Rodionova looks good in green and gold blue and blue or whatever it is. No doubt she'll bring a new intensity (ie bad tempered abuse) to the Australian cause. No idea where Rennae Stubbs is but she's probably in a van somewhere trying to make it before the doubles start.

The Ukraine has Alona Bondarenko with Mariya Koryttseva and the Kichenok kids, Lyudmyla and Nadiya. So it's a bit like the Aussie team - one good player and some hopefuls. Still at least it's not the US.

The Williams-less USA team (as expected) will consist of Oudin, Mattek-Sands and who cares knows. Even a depleted Russian team should whip them. Where's Vania King?

There's also some match between Italy and the Czech Republic but we know how that's going to end. Hi Flavia!

Vera Zvonareva smashes her racket

A very nice effort from Vera Zvonareva in the final against the suddenly superb Stosur. Not her play which was ordinary but her effort in smashing her racket was quite exceptional. It wasn't a quiet bash or pretence that it was some kind of mistake and "please don't penalise me umpire". This was a concerted attempt to destroy the racquet. To take out all her frustration on the metal equipment which inexplicably managed to serve yet another double fault. And then she kicked it for good measure. Right on Bepa!

Video: Vera Zvonareva smashes her racket

Rafael Nadal is still good on clay

Rafael Nadal thrashed poor he-man Fernando Verdasco to win his umpteeneth title on clay and show that he even when he is a bit injured, no one else comes close on the dirt. Verdasco did manage to win one game which is nice and gives him something to brag about to the girls, but Rafa was so dominant that he actually apologised to his opponent afterwards. I'm sure he didn't mean it. Nadal will now play Barcelona and Rome before regaining his French Open title.

Sam Stosur rejoiced in playing one of the few players who suffers from nerves more than she does and consequently won her second title over Vera Zvonareva. On clay too. Stosur finally hits the top ten and must be glad she belatedly gave up the doubles for proper tennis. Meanwhile she and the other Aussies can't get to the Ukraine for Fed Cup until the planes fly again.

The ITF has woken up and realised that Wayne Odesnik has belted a forehand through a loophole in its drug rules and decided to rewrite things. It's always good to shut the gate after the horse has bolted.

Meanwhile Jelena Dokic is no doubt in hiding (well, she's certainly not playing tennis) since the news that her father big bad Damir Dokic is on the loose again.

Maria Kirilenko in Adidas

Maria Kirilenko is free from Stella Lennon McCartney and apparently willing to be portrayed as a mannequin for Adidas. This is great news for mannequin lovers everywhere. Kirilenko fans are said to be divided however. Some say that she looks wooden and photoshopped and others are happy because she looks wooden and photoshopped. Smiling doesn’t come easy to everyone’s second favourite Russian.

You do know that Sharapova and Dementieva fans don't like each other right? But both like Makiri - so second favourite..

Belgium Fed Cup powerhouse

Belgium is the new world power in women’s tennis and the next Nobel Peace Prize will surely go to whoever convinced Justine, Kim and Yanina to all play together on the same Fed Cup team against poor Estonia. Presumably Yanina’s Dad’s invitation will be lost in the mail. Let’s assume they win they title next year if they all play every tie and let’s also assume that they won’t all play again. So next time it may well be only Wick and Flip to take the fight to Russia or someone. As usual.

Cornet managed to qualify for Barcelona which is an encouraging sign and then bomb out to Bacsinszky which isn't. Wasn't she once number 11 in the world?

Baghdatis and Gasquet took early showers in Monte Carlo, while Hewitt didn't even show up. "The flight was too long," he said - remember when this was a mandatory event? Fed's a no show too. Probably gone to watch his kids' piano lesson.

Clijsters wins all

Kim Clijsters trounced Venus to win Miami as none of us expected. Nice one Kim. Can we stop calling it a comeback now and start speculating when a Belgian takes the top spot again? Nothing personal Yanina but we weren't looking at you.

Andy Roddick's turn next and as he's widely expected to beat Berdych the Federer slayer, he'll probably lose too. Nahh. Roddick did beat Nadal if anyone cares. Apparently it only matters if Tiger Woods turns up to watch. His wife and son don't count.

Simona Halep won in Marbella qualifying as did Pivovarova, Molik, Rus and Sfar. Anyone guessing Clijsters won't show?

The WTA in its infinite wisdom now has a page to collate all the tweets and other nonesense from some of its top players. Of course they called it www.wtasuperfans.com . It could be worse I guess. Maybe.